Vineyards and Coronavirus

At Coates & Seely we while away the magical hour between 6pm and 7pm, when the deliveries are done and our worldly cares vanish in the innocent blush of a first drink, with the creation of a number of new cocktails designed specifically for Coronavirus lock-down (collectively, a “quarantini”).

Christian out-classes us all in this particular endeavour, devoting his considerable knowledge and energy in pursuit of perfection.

His current masterpiece is what we have decided to call a ‘Sbagliato Cinese’: 1/3 Campari, 1/10 Carpano Antica Bitters and the rest sparkling wine (best, of course, with Coates & Seely)

You should not wait for the lifting of lock-down to try this quarantini, nor be deceived by the name. It is utterly delicious, and by altering the fractions of the ingredients you can achieve either a sensible or a thrillingly rapid ascent to heaven (a useful contingency in current circumstances).

On the subject of quarantinis, you will have noticed the current pandemic is spawning a new vocabulary.

A “coronacoaster”, describing the emotional gyrations in a pandemic – loving lock-down one minute and weeping with anxiety the next – would, if we were classifying each new word, definitely be awarded a ‘first-growth’.

There are many others, which you will no doubt have seen. What you might not have seen, however, is that there is a saint who shares a name with this pandemic: a young female martyr, slain by the Romans in the second century AD for comforting a tortured enemy soldier, and canonized subsequently as St Corona.

Today, she is revered principally in the small town of St Corona am Weschel, in Austria – which is, perhaps not surprisingly, still under lock-down. 

Do visit, though, when lock-down is finally lifted.

Its principal attraction is its state-of-the-art theme park.

“The Corona Park”, we are told, is set amongst verdant hills and its centrepiece – the “Corona Coaster” – can be experienced (by contrast to the Sbagliato Cinese) with either a comfortable or a thrillingly rapid descent (in this case, to hell…)

Still to be pondered at this stage, though, is an apposite word for the socially-distanced drinks party that will soon be following once lock-down is lifted.

We have already received early orders of Coates & Seely in anticipation of this new phenomenon.

Its merits are clear, presenting as it does, with its guaranteed distancing of up to 2 metres from any bore in the room, the perfect alibi for not listening, with near complete protection from even the most determined of spittle, and capped by significantly enhanced escape (and exfiltration) potential.

But we do need a name for it.

Answers please, and a bottle of Coates & Seely (or, for the hard-core among you, a Sbagliato Cinese), to the winner.

(to be continued….)